Everything Changes

My DH has been looking for a new job for over a year now. Back in march he wrote several applications to companies all over Germany. We both knew, we had to move if one of them would turn out to be his future employer. We never discussed details as we both didn’t want to go way over our heads before he had a positive feedback or a employment agreement.
Back in June, he had a new employement agreement. Ever since we know we’d be moving. Away from Berlin. To Hannover.
Last week, with the beginning of October, DH started his new job. Since commuting back and forth everyday would be to expensive, to far and to long, he found himself a room to stay for the week. We are officially a weekend family.
Up until now, I pushed all of this into some dark corner of my head. Career-wise this is a big step for him. We always knew that his current – now last – job wasn’t the last step on the latter. Still, moving away, moving ON is different the moment it gets real.
It’s his second week now, he left this afternoon and slowly it dawns on my what is yet to come. Being “alone” with two small children is a full time job and plain said: it’s brutal and unforgiving. And I am just starting to get a grasp of it (yet, positive-me is thinking: I’ll get the hang of it and will organize our lives accordingly).

There are numerous open questions: We yet have to figure out when we will move too. For now, we plan on March/April, but have to find a suitable house/apartment solution as well as new child care. Since child care is the responsiblity of the state, we are dependent on lower Saxony and Hannover. And I rather make compromises with an apartment than with child care. On the other hand, we need to move as soon as possible for the girls and their need of a undisturbed family. I don’t think these good-byes will get any easier.

And then there is this whole world that changes. Friends, family, memories, all that and those who will be left behind. We brought both girls to this house when they were born. It’s the first house we had, the first “nest” they had. The house, the crisp winters, the hot summers, the noises of the fallen pine cones onto the roof in fall/spring (and how it freaked my out the first spring), the frogs during the summer nights, the squirrels running up and down the trees at 4 am in late summer… The rooms, the floor both girls learned to walk on, the living room and the hours I carried Hazel around the dining table at night when she was crying. The smells. Our friends, their friends, people we met by pure chance in the bus whom we befriended with and who have children the exact same age.
Or in the case of Amber’s god mother: I met her at involution gymnastics after my first pregnancy, I never thought we’d be such best friends that they and her specifically would be so important to me!
Things will change for all of them as things will change for us and we won’t be as much a part of their lifes as we are now. We are all busy, we all know that if you’re not there to make memories together it’ll faint.

As much as I am excited to start something new, I have never wanted to hold on so tight to what I have now. Moving with children, transplanting other lives, is very different from moving alone or as a couple.

This entry was posted in It's called Life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Everything Changes

  1. soknitsome says:

    It sounds as if you’ve got the “one smiling, one crying eye” that Germans talk of! I’m sure everything will work out fine – at least you’re still in the same country! I like to think of it as gaining friends. The longest I ever lived anywhere was the 8 years we spent in Singapore (on secondment) – I’d moved lots as a child and we have also moved around plenty now. Our (now adult) children are very open-minded, resilient and independent. I’m sure this comes from all the experiences they made as children.
    Greetings from Cologne!

  2. Frau PN says:

    Ach Süße..
    Die kommenden Monate bis zu Eurem Umzug werden sicher nicht leicht. Aber Du bist stark, Du schaffst das. Ganz sicher. Plane. Setze Prioritäten, organisiere Dich. Das ist jetzt ein Prozess der bewältigt werden muss. Als Wochenendfamilie funktionieren, ein neues zu Hause finden für Euch alle, wo ihr weiterhin so glücklich sein könnt.

    Alte Zelte abzubrechen schmerzt. Ich weiß das. Ich habe jetzt Monate gebraucht um mich hier in der neuen Heimat wohl zu fühlen. Zeit heilt. Natürlich vermisse ich noch immer so einiges. Euch zum Beispiel und unsere Donnerstage <3. Aber durch das Internet kann man sich nah sein und aus der Welt ist man eh nie.

    Es wird sich alles finden. Ganz sicher. Und nächstes Jahr um diese Zeit ist alles geschafft.
    Sei stark.


  3. Kepanie says:

    Awww…I can understand your sentiments about your first house. Before you move, take pics of where the memories occurred and created a scrapbook. While you have to leave, it’ll be an adventure and an opportunity to move somewhere new and who knows what exciting things will happen!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s